January 2010

Musings

by Sparks

As we move into 2010 (my year of Zen), I look at how I spent the holiday season. I am so grateful and so happy for the family, friends and acquaintances I spent time with.

I’m now making a list of friends I want to be in touch with, anticipating the people I will meet, and accepting that people will be leaving my life to move on. 

This year, I endeavor to rid myself of more garbage – emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually.  I’m going for more reflection, less communication.  I realize that I want to be more tactful. Often when people ask my opinion they are really asking for agreement. I need to be more aware of the difference. 

Every January, I begin to think of my mother Shirley. This is Shirley’s birth month.  I think of some of the sayings and beliefs she passed on to me.  I want to share the ones that I’ve internalized.  I appreciate her wisdom, her generosity, her ability to forgive…  Shirley internalized a lot her experiences and agonized over them repeatedly. 

Before she left, she shared with me a lot things. 

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.” 

I had the occasion a few years ago to have a person become very upset with me because I wouldn’t agree to do something they wanted me to do. This person began to tell people untruths about me.  I wanted to retaliate.  Remembering that once this person had provided some insight, wisdom and support to me, I declined to do so. 

“When people find a reason to hate you, they either don’t like or know themselves.”

This is a very profound one.  It crops up every day. 

“If you can’t get along with someone, either make a greater effort, or make a new friend.”  

This is pertinent because I used to want to be everyone’s friend, get along with everyone. This is not possible.  Now, I relish knowing who is really a friend, and who is really not so keen on me. I want to be aligned with persons whom support me and know that I can reciprocate.  Life has gotten so much easier now that I don’t have the need to please everybody.

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything”. 

Still working on that one!  There are times…..when my words can chew a hole into someone.  It’s not necessary, and as my mom used to say

“You don’t have to be part of the crowd”.  Gossiping or maligning someone is something that is contagious if I don’t keep a lid on it.  Every time someone says something untrue or unkind about me, it is humbling, and a reminder….

Shirley told you where you stood with her.  She wasn’t false, yet she wasn’t aloof or unkind.  I like the direct approach, yet I’m learning that the direct approach isn’t always the best one. People hold grudges. 

Yet, I believe, and like my mother said, “after it’s said, it’s done; it’s over.” 

And lastly, Shirley taught me:  

 “If you believe it’s Just, stand up for it!”  (Sometimes that meant Stand up for family, Stand up for friends or Stand up for a cause.) 

Shirley, you are so right about this one!!! 

There are consequences for taking these stands, so make sure you believe in what you stand for. 

I’m still standing though and still proud to have beliefs, though it is sometimes lonely and painful.  This one brings back memories of when we stood together for the righteous way.

Today,

I want to stay in the “magic of the moment“. .. I want to be here now, fully cognizant of every second, be responsible for my actions and reactions.  I know that change begins within. 

For 2010, I will strive to be the change I want to see in the world.

Sparks

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