This is My Life by Paul Fitzgerald

I was born and raised in a small southern Ontario town and came from your average family. I have an older brother who left to go to college when he was 18. My life seemed to have all changed for me when I turned 16. I decided to let my family know a secret that I was keeping to myself, something that I just had to let out, that I am gay. My mother was very understanding and supportive of me; however my father never did accept me from that day onward. The father- son relationship was over. I believe that this is where my life changed and I started feeling insecure, unaccepted and even regret that I came out. I lost my father, he left me and my mother saying that either I leave or he does. He moved out and I felt the guilt of breaking my family up for the rest of my life.

I lost interest in school and turned to drugs. Over the years I had several different jobs but nothing that lasted for more than a couple years. On several occasions I was arrested for using and/or selling marijuana and spent time in jail for this. The whole time my mother was there for me and I hope that she knew I was there for her. I don’t know if she ever resented me for causing my father to leave her but it is always on my mind. My drug use changed about 10 years ago when I started using Ritalin and then about 6 years ago I got into coke and sometimes crack.

I lived with my mom off and on over the years and moved to a bigger city where I could explore my alternative lifestyle in a city that was more acceptant of gay people. I would live in the other city and worked when I could find a job and collected Welfare if needed. I always new I could go back home if I wanted and several times I did. Over the years I tried to maintain or rebuild a relationship with my father but at best he would meet me for a coffee on the occasional Saturday morning. Then I would not see him again for several months.

In the last 5 years I have had a lot of changes in my life on my road to self recovery. I got my grad 12 diploma by going to night school about 5 years ago. While still living with my mom about 4 years ago I had to have her put into a nursing home as I watched the stages of Dementia take a hold of her mind. Then 3 years ago I lost my job, my car and my home as my addictions grew out of control. All on my own I gave up using cocaine and crack; however I could not give up the Ritalin yet. I am now happy to tell you that 2 years ago I became free of all drugs and have never had any interest in returning to them.  My father has now past away, but I did have a chance to tell him I loved him  two hours before he died.

And in the last year I went to college and obtained a certificate for graduating (with Honours) an Office Administration Program. Presently I have applied to have a pardon to erase my criminal record.

After I lost my last job over 3 years ago I used up all my Unemployment Insurance money. From there I had to apply for OW (Ontario “Works”). I feel that this is an utterly mis-named program as it has never “Worked” for me. We use to call it the Welfare System- a program that systematically stole your dignity, erased all motivation and shattered any hope of happiness.

At this time I would like to thank all of those people that feel that their tax dollars are going directly to me so I can take a free ride on life. Thank –you for taking my dignity, motivation and any hope that I might have had. The program should be re-named Ontario Cares and actually start to help the ones that rely on them. I feel that the whole program needs to have a review and find out what the people are saying that will help them get back out to be a `productive’ member of our society.

As a member of this panel I would like to see changes to the system that will improve how people view us. I don’t know of one person who is happy that they are on Ontario Works. The whole idea is to get us ready for work and all I hear is they need to see my job search forms. There is more to it than how many places I left my resume; we need to look good, feel good about ourselves and know that we have a chance to get that job, instead of just being another resume that was dropped off at a potential employer.

I saw an add for a position in my local Ontario Works office as an Temporary Employment Coordinator(for Ontario Works) with a pay of 28.02 – $29.80 / hourly. The job description states that their duties are to interview and assess participants to determine the individual’s employment assets and development needs, mentor participants in their movement to paid employment and independence of the social assistance system. It seems to me that they are not doing their job.

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